Stuck In A Hard Place.

Stuck in a hard place on a rock
I can’t find it
Staring at the party
I’m looking for love
I can’t find it

Stuck in a hard place on a rock
In the darkness and drizzle
At the bars, making a pop
But all you suckers will fizzle
You will fizzle

You’re missing your memories
You can’t remember your name
You’ve changed your tune
But you’ve stayed the same

Throw off your dead skin
Like a chrysalis
Metamorphosis
No use resisting this

Your mind is ephemeral
You can’t remember the game
You’ve peaked too soon
But you’ve stayed the same

Throw off your dead weight
From the precipice
Metamorphosis
No use resisting this

These Lyrics from "Stuck In A Hard Place" from an up and coming band, Blue foundation, bears my current emotional state. Though I am mostly happy, I still find myself "Stuck in a hard place on a rock." My most recent situations have been parental units bugging about going out. They even offer to pay it. But i lack the drive to. Alone, i am nothing. Together, I am everything. My brothers are the only people i will ever depend on. My best friends of multiple years and counting are still strong in our relationships. these men that i love and care for endlessly in a non-homosexual way, have helped me up. but it's up to me to dust myself off or not. It just seems like this metaphoric dust is just fading from my clothing. In seven months, it will be my third year of what i've come to know as "Loveloss." You know, the after affects of getting your first love, and being drowned in sorrow to the point of near-suicide, or endless depression. And i find myself still looking for that same yearning, that burning passion for somebody who shares your smae feeling. But it looks like it may never happen at this point. I have found someone well worth my time, well worth my effort, and more then worth my kindness, and i'm hoping i can share this same passion as with my first love. The catch though, is if i become one with this woman, there's no turning back. I would have to take up parenting responsibilities for her bastard child. Which is totally something i'm ready and willing to do for her, but it's just weird to think that i'll be fathering this young mind at my age. Something that i can appreciate though, is that if i were to become the little one's father-figure, he'd be only a bike ride away. 7.5 miles for 35 minutes is not too shabby a bike ride to be doing 4 or 5 times weekly. I have a good and ready bike for the job, too. -LE GASP!- maybe this will even help with my new year's resolution!!!! WHOA!!!!! yeah. i had the whole, "Get in shape" thing going on sometime this year, but i've been too lazy to start. anyway, now that i feel better, i shall leave off with a like poem, and stuff.

"Just come out and play"

Said the sly ghost of mr. A

"Come on, Clay."

"Never! ever,ever,ever,ever,ever,ever will i play with you, Mr. A"

"Well, why, why not? Should i go over and lay?"

"Go away! Go away Mr. A!" Clay yelled, while throwing an egg.

"Well, Clay. Why not come and eat this parfait?"

"No!"

"I have this yummy brownie tray!"

"No!"

"Alright, then. I guess little Clay doesn't want to play." and Mr. A walked away with a sad face.

"Wait! Mr. A! Mr. A? Why are you going? Why don't you stay?"

"Because you don't want to play" Mr. A said

"Ok. Ok. What do you want to play, Mr. A?"

"THIS!!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly Mr. A portrays a face of pure gray.

"Come here, Clay! Let's play some hide and pray, shall we clay?"

"No! Mr. A!" And poor little clay runs and strays.

"Here i come, clay!" said Mr. A, ready to prey on clay.

In the barn under the hay is where clay is praying.

Mr. A already knows, and he's preying.

he lifts the hay, "Oh Hey!"

dismayed, Clay surrendered anyway.

Mr. A lifts clay, and clay his life replay

as clay descends, he shudders to the point of pass away.

"Clayton! wake up! you're late for school!"

"What the hell? That was weird."

Clayton walks downstairs, and sees his dad drinking coffee along with his newly announced english teacher.

"Hello, dad. And hello Mr. A, good morning!"

"Why hello there sleepyhead! i thought you were going to miss your first day of junior year, ummmm dude, is it?"

his father said.

"Why, it looks as if you've seen a ghost." Said Mr. A

"He's right! You're so pale! Get some sun, son." my father said, jokingly.

And while walking away, the dream kept replaying in his head.

In the shower,

Getting dressed,

on the ride to school,

in class.

The bell rang, and Mr. A called clayton.

"What's wrong with you today, boy?"

"Nothing, really. Just a weird dream, Mr. A."

Suddenly, the room darkened.

"Should we go and play, just you and me, clay? it'll be ok. it's such a fine way to find my prey. Now go hide and pray, boy!"